I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
