i jhust puked up my retainher.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
