I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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