I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
