thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
