He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
