I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
