I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
