Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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