he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
