i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
false alarm, still single
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
