there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
