Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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