I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
