dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
