On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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