sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
