Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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