I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
