This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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