I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
