Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
