I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize