Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
