I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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