I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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