in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
