The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
