Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You can't special order awesome
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
