Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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