Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
