ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
