I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
