There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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