Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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