My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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