I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize