he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The Olympian is in my bed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
