Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
