My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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