hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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