I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
