Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
