Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
