After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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