I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
