Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
is it fun? or sober?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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