I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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