I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize