I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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