At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
