Kiss
Puke
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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