i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Holy shit dude........stairs
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