I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
