she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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