So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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