I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
