My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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