just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
