Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
