I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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