what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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