I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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