Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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