we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think people are normalizing furries
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize