I hate your face
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
either way he was missing a nipple.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
